Speeding Cop: Do you know how fast you were going? John: I was just keeping up with the traffic. Cop: There is no traffic! John: I know, that’s how far behind I am! What about the cat? Wife: Have you emptied the trash can tonight? Husband: No, I’ll do it in the morning. Wife: What about the cat? Husband: I can ask but I think it might be a bit too heavy for him to lift. Tough guy Teacher: So kids what jobs do your parents have? Simon: My dad is a baker. Teacher: Very good, anyone else? Johnny: My dad runs the local prison! Teacher: That’s great. Is he a prison warden? Johnny: No he’s just the toughest guy in there! | 